Seems like a meaningless tautology but I’m going somewhere, promise.
This idea has always bothered me, not just in the context of my illness but in life in general: if you are suffering in any capacity, you’re supposed to remember those worse off than you, and feel better. Yes, some people and some circumstances do call upon that perspective. We’ve all needed to be reminded just how “first world” our problems are on occasion, and it certainly can be helpful and quite therapeutic to focus on what we have as opposed to what we don’t.
But I think that phenomenon also stands to make considerate people with a lot of perspective feel guilty for struggling with something genuine, like they’re not entitled to any indulgence in self pity because others might be suffering something perceived to be worse. I remember a friend crying on my shoulder one day and saying something like, “I feel so stupid, you’re dealing with [something] and you’re doing fine and here I am crying about [whatever].” I can’t remember what either of us were going through but I remember responding by telling them that they were stupid. But like in a really uplifting way. If something is upsetting you then its upsetting you. Feels are seldom if ever rational, and trying to rationally explain them is irrational. Denying their existence is irrational. For whatever reason, whether it be our life experience so far, our nature or our nurture, something causes you to struggle or suffer to the extent that it does and there’s often little that can be achieved by trying to tell yourself that rationally, you shouldn’t be so sad about it. Sometimes it makes you feel better and other times it makes you feel like a whining twit.
There are so many worse things in this world than my various ailments and I remember that every moment of every day, I really do. I’m so lucky. I have so many close friends even, who would consider their lives massively improved if they lived with my conditions instead of theirs. Hugely. And they seem so much stronger than I am! I swear, there are two girls in particular that I have in mind and I’m pretty sure they’re both secretly Super Woman disguised as a Spoonie and doing a really bad job because they don’t whinge enough. They’re my heroes. I admire them every day. I only hope that their internal struggle is not too far beyond what we see. ❤
But I’m proud to be game enough to admit that I indulge in self-pity quite a bit. I know full well and rationally that I have it pretty damn good in the grand scheme of things and I am so thankful. But I do struggle. I do suffer and it is a battle that few people understand or even perceive to exist, which is a battle in and of itself. And what I refuse to ignore is the fact that neither of those beautiful girls would ever dream of denying me my own struggle, nor would anyone else with a chronic illness of any severity. Nor should anyone with any battle to fight. And everyone’s fighting something.
Invisible Squared 